Parenting For Teens - Clarifying Family Rules

Every organization, ranging from the family unit to large corporations, have rules that prevent anarchy and help establish harmony and functionality. It is always best to keep these rules to a minimum and ensure they have appropriate consequences when they are violated.

Some families have an extensive set of rules, others have very few. You have to decide which approach works best for you. My experience in our own family and in counseling many families is that it is best to keep rules to a minimum.

The problem with a long set of rules is that they can be forgotten by someone and then fights ensue over breaking or keeping them.

Here's a suggestion for 2 basic rules that serve as a general covering for all others.

• Respect yourself and the other people in the room. Treat them with respect and don't lose respect by being disrespectful to any one in the room, parent, child or sibling. Rolling eyes at someone's contribution is disrespectful so it should not be permitted.
• Respect yourself and the other people in the room. Treat them with respect and don't lose respect by being disrespectful to any one in the room, parent, child or sibling. Rolling eyes at someone's contribution is disrespectful so it should not be permitted.
• No insults of any kind against anybody's beliefs, skills, abilities, appearance, job or school performance or anything else.
• These two rules embody the Bible's summary of how to obey the law - love your neighbor as yourself and love God with all your heart. Those two dispositions eliminate a multitude or relational sins.

Now that you have established a general framework for the clarifying of family rules here are few suggestions that you might want to consider. This basic exercise should be done by the parents before any rules are discussed with the children.

• Keep your rule list sparse; the fewer there are, the more power each rule will have.
• Developing that list will not be done at one sitting. It will take time. Don't rush this part.
• Once you've agreed write them down and review them the next day. You may want to reconsider some of them.
• This process can lead to some very interesting discussions and avoid potential conflicts or resolve others. It can serve as a bonding exercise between parents.
• Remember that family rules apply to everybody. If the rules are only for the kids, or if they're supposed to be for everybody but you break them, you're saying, "I'm the one in power (ha-ha, you're not)," "I'm an adult so I matter, you're a kid so you don't," and "Just wait until you grow up. Then you can break all the rules you want." For example, you agree to make a family rule that everybody's room has to be kept presentable. However, if your bedroom remains swallowed by piles of clothes, old papers, and dirty dishes, you're virtually assured that your child's will look the same.